As you know, the social sphere is made of exchanges between individuals that make-up the same environment.
Who says interactions, necessarily says standpoints, debates, conflicts and a desire to assert its view. After all, man is in an everlasting search for recognition.
At first glance, the development of social skills does not seem to be compatible with assertiveness.
How can we command respect if we must continually compromise to be heard? It was without counting on the ideological definition of assertiveness.
This concept rests on the premise that man can blossom in a personal way and take social recognition of dialogue and communication.
Assertiveness would not be then a phenomenon favored by the confrontation, but rather by the adaptation of the reactions related to the personality of one’s interlocutors.
1. Assertiveness as refusal of “rude” behaviors
If assertiveness is defined as the ability to formulate an opinion and to defend our rights without infringing on those of others, this means that man has the power to convey any idea, even contrary to the collective beliefs, without being aggressive.
To promote assertiveness, it seems that we should dissociate primary reactions such as aggression, submission or manipulation.
These are indeed obstacles to development and happiness.
The principle of aggressiveness:
Aggressiveness or aggression are based on the desire to impose one’s view by force or physical domination.
It results from a voluntary social behavior, intentionally directed against an identified target.
From a relational point of view, it materializes in the establishment of an intellectual or physical dominance in agreement with the law of the “most stronger”.
The aggressiveness inevitably leads to conflict or submission of the interlocutor that recognizes your assertiveness under duress.
The principle of submission:
Submission is the abandonment of social interaction for the benefit of a dominant person by running away or refusing to impose one’s views.
This results in an unwillingly acceptance and a questioning of the self-esteem due to the inability to assert oneself as an individual.
The principle manipulation:
Manipulation relies on the desire to impose one’s opinion through cunning and/or subterfuge. This results in an acceptance of your views by your interlocutor, without realizing its full significance.
Assertiveness relies on the personal choice that an individual makes to refuse imposing one’s ideology by using one of these three principles, making of you a being endowed with compassion and respecting the contradictory opinions of your interlocutors.
It is based on mutual respect and equal footing communications.
2. assertiveness put into practice:
To assert your personality and your opinions through communication and dialogue, you should start by respecting yourself and give yourself all the credit you deserve.
Your point of view is no less important than that of another person, even if it is socially more recognized than you.
Whatever the field (professional, personal sphere, friends, family…) you must adapt your behavior to the situations you encounter.
Assertiveness comes out of respect for others and belief in our potential.
It is then necessary to develop some qualities that will help you blossom yourself through your assertiveness.
The ability to establish a relationship between equals:
To gain credibility and thus be regarded as a valuable interlocutor, you should never question the intellectual capacity of people with whom you come in contact.
Their words, thoughts or reasoning are as valuable as yours, whatever their age, gender or origin.
The theme of self-confidence often comes in the area of personal development.
An individual begins to show that he has confidence in himself from the moment he does not hesitate to speak and does so with conviction.
The coherent response:
A person prone to develop assertiveness knows how to identify and respond face to rude behaviors (aggression, submission, and manipulation) based on the demonstration of his charisma and his logic.
So you will boost a person in a state of submission or seek to find potential points of agreement with an aggressive person for example.
The adaptation of communication:
Effective communication is the basis of development of interpersonal skills and demonstration of one’s personality.
It appears clear that assertiveness is gaining control of it.
3. Demonstration techniques of assertiveness:
There are different methods of communication recognized as predisposing to assertiveness.
Here is the two major that will help you make assertiveness a daily quality to promote your personal development.
The fogging is a discussion method based on seeking a compromise to advance the debate and limit the aggressive character of your interlocutors.
It is based on highlighting the elements on which an agreement is possible, before refuting the points we oppose.
The fogging avoids contradicting entirely a statement or a speech, which will result in less hurt to the person formulating it.
During a lively debate, it is recommended to use “I” to start your sentences.
This prevents your interlocutors feel judged or undervalued if you issue a contradiction facing their position. It promotes assertiveness without questioning the credibility of others.
As you see, assertiveness relies on your expertise in communication.
It is by respecting others that you will manage to build you credible person, endowed with excellent interpersonal skills and will manage to develop yourself as an individual with its own system of thought.