Self-confidence is somehow the quality of the 21st century: it is used indiscriminately, sometimes to define the capacity to reflect a certain charisma, sometimes to seduce girls in nightclubs… what if it was something else?
If self-confidence was sesame, the key that will enable you to become aware of your unique value, to know yourself better, and lastly to make a social personality that matches you.
This would not allow you to improve in your everyday life, to relativize the effects of stress and evolve without pressure?
You will have understood it, self-confidence, is neither more nor less than a judgment, a self-criticism that limits your scope of possibilities and your freedom of action.
However, then, how to gain self-esteem you may ask?
1. Build self-confidence by relativizing your environment-related pressures:
It is by observing, how the interactions of the relational sphere are made, that you can understand why sometimes you have doubts about your credibility or the importance of your interventions.
Take two examples entirely different:
You are with friends:
One of your best friends heckles you, by belittling you in front of your usual small social circle.
How do you respond? In most cases with humor and without having to feel offended, you resend him the ball.
It is the same with your family. You can indeed tell them everything and react to them according to who you are, without calling into question the validity of your personality.
Why? Simply, because you know the social codes of these groups of peoples that are familiar to you.
You know that you are accepted and not appraised, you can then make yourself comfortable. The pressure is almost non-existent, and you can evolve in agreement with your primitive reflexes.
In your unconscious, your opinion is as much valuable as the one of your friends or your family. You take part in an exchange and not a conflict.
You are at the workplace or in the classroom:
You are asked to speak in front of everybody to present the fruit of your labor.
You hesitate, mumble and are no longer sure of your reasoning, and that even if you have done the research and you are perceived as a skilled person.
This feeling may also be present when your supervisor gives you a good telling off. How to react? By responding curtly at the risk of being poorly seen, or crashing and showing your weakness of character?
The situation here is different from when you act in a small and familiar social circle.
Your self-confidence is sometimes harmed by the presence of unfamiliar people because you do not know how they perceive you and what social value they grant you.
How to think in fact that a supervisor may be at the same level as you?
Your goal to relativize the doubts that animate you during daily interactions with your audience is to deconstruct this strain, this burden that weighs on your shoulders.
How? Just start with realizing that the pressure comes from your thinking and not that of others.
Self-confidence is shaped and evolves according to external phenomena.
Ask yourself: do the judgments of others must fundamentally mold my life?
Am I ready to change partners, dress style, the manner of expressing myself, the way of thinking and lifestyle, to simply be better perceived by people I barely know?
Or should I assert myself and get respect, because, like everyone, I hold my freedom to be who I am?
2. Self-confidence is an everyday awareness:
If I had to define self-confidence in a few words, I would say that it is the absence of doubt when performing a task or action.
I will even go further by supplementing that the fact of being confident is just asserting one’s personality in the eyes of the outside world.
Take also the example of people you find charismatic: what do they have in common, if not the fact of always seeming to know what they do and why they do it?
You must understand that by doubting yourself you lose credibility and impact.
Whether in the field of seduction or the business world, those who are the most successful are those who dare to open without fear of judgment, those who know that no other person has the legitimacy to change their way of being.
Asking too many questions is to limit oneself and, therefore, limit one’s expression of confidence.
The fear of failure should not motivate your choice or reactions.
Failure is a building block of the learning process, and its value is indisputable: by knowing how to accept and understanding our errors we learn to become more efficient and more able to improve.
3. How to strengthen one’s self-confidence in a concrete way?
Now that you understand that nothing can touch you (because, in reality, you will not die of a joke, since its author has no legitimacy), it is time to reinflate your self-confidence.
Here are some tips that can help you rebuild an asserted social personality:
Communication enhances self-confidence:
To feel better about yourself, simply grasp the relational interactions in a somewhat different way than usual.
Instead of asking how a person will judge you according to your opinion, ask yourself how he seeks to feel by interacting with you.
Certainly at ease, listened to, respected and important. A bit like you after all!
Keep in mind this logic: people perceive you depending on how you send them their personal image.
So be polite, smiling, friendly and never hesitate to make contact with new people: there you will draw great satisfaction.
If this seems logical, we realize that stress often leads to behaviors opposite to a course of action promoting the development of interpersonal skills. Do not fall into this trap!
It is the same for your non-verbal communication (body language). Always be open, accurate and extensive in your movements to limit doubt marks.
The look reinforces self-confidence:
As materialistic as it may seem, you can feel better about yourself by adopting a look strengthening (in your eyes) your social value.
If the clothes do not make the man, it is recognized that this may be a useful first step in changing your perception of your personality.
The experiences build confidence:
The fact of mastering different areas of expertise can allow you to give yourself more credit.
It is advisable to broaden experiences, whether they are cultural,
The more you enrich your knowledge, the more you will feel that your social value increases, allowing you to be more comfortable when you discuss your personal background.
As you see, self-confidence is a wholly subjective phenomenon whose main power is your understanding of the judgment of others.
The more you will manage to relativize the importance of this latter, the more you will feel free to make the choices dictated by your personality and not by the collective consciousness. Enough to make a step towards self-fulfillment!